


Don't Ever Do That to Me Again

by alllove



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 08:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30052920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alllove/pseuds/alllove
Summary: Reader and Spencer go undercover but when the assignment goes awry, their relationship is affected.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. "Who said I was getting up?"

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, not really sure why i'm writing this lol but i was watching season 4 episode 3 'minimal loss' the other day and it kinda just popped into my head so it's very derivative of that but anyway i hope you enjoy

“Hey,” you said, stepping into the elevator at work. “Good weekend?” You asked. 

“Hey, yeah I saw this really cool documentary on the laws of physics and the space time continuum,” Spencer said. 

“Wow sounds interesting. You’re gonna have to show it to me some time,” you said, and you meant it. Even though you and Spencer were just friends, you genuinely liked the things he talked about. You were never annoyed with his statistics and you loved when he talked about his love for books and science. 

“Yeah, absolutely. What about you? Good weekend?” He asked. 

“Oh, yeah. Can’t believe we didn’t have a case honestly. When was the last time that happened?” You laughed. 

Spencer laughed too as the elevator opened on the floor for the BAU. 

“You want coffee?” You asked. 

“Sure,” Spencer said. 

“You got it.” You smiled at him and dropped your bag at your desk before heading for the kitchen. 

“Morning Pen. Good weekend?” You asked, seeing her in the kitchen. 

“Yes! I had the best time!” She said excitedly. 

You heard knocking on the door. “Hey guys, we got a case,” JJ said. 

You both nodded at her and you turned back to Penelope. “You have to tell me about it later,” you said. She smiled at you and you grabbed the two coffees you had prepared and walked out of the kitchen. 

You headed to the conference room and took a seat next to Spencer, sliding his coffee to him. 

“Thanks. That lasted long huh,” he said jokingly, referring to the case JJ was getting ready to present. 

“Hey, I’m just glad it came Monday morning instead of Sunday night,” you said. 

Everyone else filed in, turning their heads to the screen that was at the head of the room. Spencer laughed before turning his head too. 

“Pack your bags ladies and gents, we’re going to Texas; Austin to be more specific. In the last couple of weeks, they’ve reported multiple murders, all women, all brunette,” JJ said. 

“Any signs of sexual assault?” Morgan asked. 

“None,” JJ replied. 

“That’s strange,” Emily said. 

“Maybe they’re surrogates?” Spencer questioned. 

“Either that or we’re dealing with something way worse,” you said. 

“Whatever it is, we’re expected there before 3pm so wheels in 30,” Hotch said. 

Everyone nodded their heads and filed out of the room, grabbing their bags from their desks. 

“You got that documentary on you?” You asked. 

“In my desk. Why?” Spencer asked. 

“Maybe on the way back we can watch it?” You suggested, shrugging your shoulders. 

“I’d love that,” Spencer said. He smiled and grabbed the disc from his desk to put in his bag. 

You all met up on the jet, going over the case files and talking to Garcia. 

***

“Hey,” you said, sitting down. 

“Hey,” Spencer replied. 

You looked at him for a moment. “You okay?” You asked. 

He sighed before opening his mouth to say something. “Yeah, I just…”

“What, Spence?”

“I thought we were gonna save her,” he said quietly. 

“It’s not your fault. Sometimes we can’t save everyone,” you said, matching his volume. 

“I know but… I really thought we could save her.”

“Me too,” you whispered. You both sighed and hung your heads in silence. 

The case was dangerous and crazy to say the least. You’d found the unsub just in time before he killed a woman but ultimately, she died anyway. She decided she couldn’t live with what had already happened to her and so she ended her life. It was something none of you saw coming but Spencer was the one who’d found her. You only saw her die, but he was the one who had negotiated for the unsub to let her go. He’d saved her life only for her to end it anyway. 

“You wanna watch a movie?” You asked. “We could watch the documentary… it might make you feel better,” you suggested. 

Spencer looked up at you and smiled. “Sure.”

The two of you sat up on the couch, placing the laptop in front of you. Spencer slid the disc into the laptop as the documentary started to play. 

It was crazy interesting to hear about the theories presented and it was even better when Spencer explained his own thoughts on the subject. 

Once it was over, you turned to face him. 

“Amazing,” you said. 

“Seriously?” He looked at you in disbelief. 

“Yes, seriously! I can’t believe they’re getting close to proving something like that, it’s incredible.”

Spencer smiled to himself and then looked a you. 

“If you want, we can go to this lecture on it. It’s at Georgetown in a couple weeks,” he suggested. 

“That sounds perfect,” you replied. 

He started beaming, happy that someone was finally, genuinely interested in this stuff. 

“You look so tired,” he said, suddenly. 

“Oh. Yeah, sorry. Just a long day, but this was totally worth it,” you said. He smiled at you again. 

“I’m gonna get some sleep okay?” You said, getting up from the couch. 

“Oh you should take the couch. You can lie flat that way. It’s better for your back anyway,” Spencer said. 

“Oh, thanks but I don’t wanna make you get up.”

“Who said I was getting up?” Spencer asked. 

You looked at him confused for a second. You guys were friends, best friends, sure, but, friends. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean… I mean… I meant you could use me as a pillow if you want… because it’s probably more comfortable than the seat,” he said awkwardly. 

You chucked to yourself. “Right. That… sounds great. Thanks,” you said. 

You moved to put your head in his lap tentatively, as you stretched your legs across the rest of the couch. You didn’t out the full weird of your head in his lap just yet. 

It wasn’t until you felt him stroke your hair that you finally sunk in. He didn’t do anything else, just played with your hair every once in a while. You didn’t know what it was but for some reason, this felt right to you. He felt right. 

You’d never seen him this way before. Sure he was your best friend and an adorable dork and you loved him, but you’d never really done anything more intimate than hug. 

You decided not to dwell on it too much as you closed your eyes and drifted off, feeling the strands of your hair move, ever so slightly. 

***


	2. “I’m sorry. Did you just say relationship?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys here's the next part, i'm really on a kick recently i don't know why lol but enjoy. love you guys

You heard a knock on your door and looked at the clock, confused about who could be knocking at 12:39am. 

You walked up to the door and checked the peephole. You opened the door and looked at the figure standing in front of you. 

“Spencer, what are you doing here?”

“Sorry, I just, I don’t know, I couldn’t sleep,” he said. 

“Here, come in,” you said, opening the door wider. As he entered your apartment, you closed and locked the door behind him. 

“Are you okay? You seem… anxious,” you said. 

“Yeah, I mean no, I mean, I’m okay,” he said. 

You looked at him, your brows furrowing. You tilted your head slightly and stared at him for a couple of seconds, waiting for him to break. 

“Okay, fine. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he said, frustrated. 

“What are you talking about? There’s nothing wrong with you,” you said. 

“There is. There has to be. I just can’t figure it out,” he said. He pressed his palm into his eye and rubbed it. 

You reached up and took his hand away from his face. “Hey,” you whispered. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Spence. I promise.”

“I wanted to kill him,” he said. 

“What?”

“I wanted to kill him. After what he did… I wanted to kill him, and I would’ve if I had found him. He’s lucky I didn’t get to him before Hotch did.”

“Why don’t we sit down? I can make some tea. Does that sound good?” You asked. 

Spencer nodded his head as you led him to the couch. 

You quickly prepared some tea and brought it to him, placing some on the table for yourself. 

“Okay… why’d you want to kill him?” You asked. 

“He hurt you. I mean… why wouldn’t I want to kill him?” Spencer replied. 

“I’m fine, Spencer. Seriously.”

“I know, but he’s still a scumbag for treating you like that,” he said. 

You sat in silence for a second. Ever since that night on the plane, you and Spencer had gone to a new level. You were still just friends but now when one of you was upset, it was less awkward to comfort them. It used to just be a hug here and there but now you weren’t afraid to reassure each other in other ways. Unfortunately for you, Spencer’s touch still sent tingle up and down your body. 

You tentatively reached out your hand and placed it just above his knee. 

“I’ve never felt that way before,” he whispered. 

“I have,” you said. 

“What?” Spencer looked up at you with curiosity in his eyes. 

“I’ve felt that way before. With the guy who’d hurt Morgan all those years ago. I felt it with Tobias Hankel when he hurt you. I felt it with Doyle too. I wanted to hurt anyone who’d hurt any of you,” you said. 

Spencer continued looking at you. 

“Does that make me a monster?” You asked. 

“Of course not,” he said. “Of course not.”

“Then there’s nothing wrong with you, Spence. What you’re feeling is normal and you can feel like that all you want. What’s important is that you don’t act on it,” you said to him. 

“Did you just turn this whole thing around on me?” He asked. 

“Pretty much,” you replied. 

He laughed a little. “Watch your back 187,” you said, laughing now too. 

You’d forgotten your hand was on his knee until he placed his on top of yours. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“Anytime,” you replied. 

“You mean it?” He asked. 

“Well, you’ve already shown up here at nearly 1am. What’s it to me if you show up at another odd hour instead?” You laughed. 

He smiled at you. The two of you finished your tea and then got p from the couch. 

“You okay to go home?” You asked. He wanted to say no. He wanted to tell you that he wasn’t okay to go home, that he’s never okay to go home without you. But he didn’t. 

“Yeah. I’ll be okay,” he said. 

“You sure?” You asked. He wanted to kick himself. You gave him opening after opening to stay the night and yet he didn’t take it. You wanted to kick yourself all the same. 

“Yeah,” he said. 

“Okay,” you whispered. 

You walked to the door, unlocking it for him. He looked at you before leaving and pulled you into a hug. 

You were surprised at first when his arms wrapped around your waist and shoulder. Something about this hug just felt different but you couldn’t figure out what. You let it go and wrapped your arms around his neck. You felt him hold you a little tighter and breathe in your scent. You closed your eyes and gripped his shirt a little more, moving one hand to the nape of his neck. You played with his hair a little, your fingers working their way through his curls. 

Neither one of you wanted to let go, but you knew you had to. You pulled away first, him following your lead. Your faces were still impossibly close together and you could’ve sworn if you didn’t get a phone call, you would’ve kissed him. 

Once you heard it, you looked at him apologetically and walked to answer it. 

“Hotch?”

“We’ve got a case. I’m sorry. I need you to come in within the next hour,” he said. 

You sighed. “No problem. I’ll be there,” you said before hanging up. 

“What?” Spencer asked. Just then, his own phone rang as he went to pick it up. 

You heard him have a similar conversation to the one you’d just had. 

“That,” you said. 

He laughed a little. “Figures.”

“You should probably go get your stuff,” you said. 

“Right. I’ll see you in an hour,” he said. 

You smiled and nodded your head as he left your apartment. You shut the door and stood leaning your back against it for a minute. 

You had to learn how to control your impulses better. 

***

You walked into the BAU, heading straight for the conference room. 

You saw most of the team already there, it was only Spencer missing. 

He walked in a few minutes later, pouring himself a cup of coffee from the pot in the middle, much like everyone else had already done. 

“I’m sorry to make you all come in so early but this is a time sensitive case. We received a 911 call about a possible terrorist threat in New York. I’ve spoken to other governmental agencies and we’ve decided the best course of action is to sed two agents undercover and have them infiltrate the organization,” Hotch said. 

Everyone held their breath. You’d all do it, of course you would, but it was still different than what you usually did. Going undercover, if it worked, was a great tactic. But if it didn’t, it almost always resulted in the deaths of multiple agents. 

“We’ve already decided,” Hotch said, sensing the tension in the room. 

You saw Hotch’s eyes flick to you for a second, just a brief second. If you weren’t a profiler, you’d probably think everything was normal. 

“It’s me isn’t it?” You asked. Hotch nodded. 

“You and Reid. It’s a terrorist group of young people, impressionable minds. Almost all the identified members are under 30,” he said, as if trying to explain why he’d chosen the two of you for the job. 

You licked your lips and nodded your head slightly. “What do we have to do?” You asked. 

“The two of you will go to a bar where they’ve picked up most of their members. It’s always one male and one female they pick up. They choose people who seem like they’re in an equal level of relationship, meaning neither the man nor the woman seems in charge,” Hotch said. 

“I’m sorry. Did you just say relationship?” You asked. 

Hotch nodded. “Is that a problem?”

You avoided eye contact with Spencer entirely, even though you could feel his gaze on you. “No, no, of course not. I just wanted to… make sure,” you said. 

“Right. Well, you’ll have to be in a relationship treating each other equally, and I mean equally. Every action must have a reaction from the other person. That’s how they choose their targets. If all goes well, they’ll invite you to their base and start to try to have you act with them.” Hotch said. 

You took a shaky breath, not realizing your hands were shaking as well. You didn’t know if it was the fact that you had to be in a relationship with Spencer or if it was the fact that if this mission went south in any way, you didn’t know what you’d do. 

“Wheels up in one hour,” Hotch said. 

Everyone filed out of the room, giving you a small pat or shoulder squeeze as they left. You stayed sitting for a minute, Spencer looking at you. 

Once everyone had left, he turned to face you. “We’ll be okay,” he said. 

You wanted to believe him, but you didn’t know if you could. No one can predict what happens in these situations. 

“I know,” you said, blinking back your tears and smiling at him. 

He put his hand on your shoulder. “You’ll be okay,” he whispered. 

You looked down and played with your fingers. “It’s not me I’m worried about,” you whispered to yourself. 

Spencer opened his mouth as if to say something when the two of you heard a knock on the door. 

“Hey, you guys okay?” Derek asked. 

“Yeah. Yeah, we’re fine,” you said quickly. 

“You guys will be fine. If anyone can do it… you two can,” he said. 

“Thanks,” you said. You gave Morgan a small smile before walking out of the room. 

Spencer and Derek looked at each other. 

“Be careful okay?” Morgan said. 

“I know,” Spencer replied. 

“And look after her. She’s tough but…” Morgan said. 

“I know,” Spencer said. Derek pulled him into a quick hug before letting him walk out of the room. 

***

Once you were on the jet, you grabbed a seat at the back, keeping to yourself. 

“Hey,” Spencer said as he sat down. 

“Hi,” you responded. 

“How you doin’?” He asked. 

“I’m okay. Just thinking about the best way to go about this,” you said. 

“Me too,” he said. 

“How are you?” You asked. 

“Good. I’m good. I’m still wrapping my head around this whole relationship thing,” he laughed. 

“You and me both,” you said. 

“It shouldn’t be that hard. I mean… you’re my best friend. Don’t they say that being in a relationship is like being with your best friend?” Spencer asked. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Shouldn’t be too hard,” you said. You were lying to yourself and you knew it. You were on a case, you had to pay attention, control your impulses, and you had to make it out alive. 

“Okay, let’s go over this,” Hotch said. You and Spencer got up and walked to the middle of the jet. “We’re going to send the two of you in, no wires, no guns, nothing. If this works, they’re definitely going to pat you down and we can’t risk that. The rest of us will be scattered throughout the bar just in case but once they approach you, you’re going to be on your own,” Hotch said. 

You turned to look up at Spencer before turning back to the map Hotch had pulled out. 

“We’re going to be stationed here, here, and here,” Hotch said, pointing to the bathroom, bar, and door of the place. “The two of you need to dress like you’re on a date and you’re out for drinks. That means suits and dresses. They’re waiting for us when we land,” Hotch said. 

“Once you guys are approached, you do whatever it takes to get in their good graces,” he said. 

“Whatever it takes?” Spencer asked, looking at you. Everyone knew why he was looking. Organizations like this sometimes required something from their female members. Something they felt they were due, regardless of how the woman felt. 

You didn’t look up. You continued staring at the map. 

“Within reas-,” Hotch started. 

“Whatever it takes,” you said firmly. You took a deep breath. Everyone stayed silent and you didn’t dare move your head. If you had looked in any direction, you would’ve met eyes and you didn’t want to do that. 

“So Reid and I get them, they take us to the base. Once we’re there, we do what we can to infiltrate and destroy it from the inside out,” you said. 

Everyone was still looking at you. “Right?” You said, prodding at their lack of responsiveness. 

“Right,” Hotch said, clearing his throat. 

Morgan looked at you and he saw what you wanted him to see, what you wanted all of them to see. You had a sort of switch in your brain. When you were emotional or talking to someone personally, you’d address them by first name or a nickname of some sort. When you were working, you called everyone their last name. It was your way of detaching yourself from the situation. It wasn’t always great, sometimes you needed emotion, but you didn’t use it. 

Morgan saw the coldness in your eyes before he stopped feeling scared for you. If you weren’t scared, neither was he. At least, he tried not to be. 

“Great. Sounds good. I’m gonna get some sleep before this, it’s gonna be long,” you said. You walked back to your seat and closed your eyes, trying not to feel everyone’s eyes on you, trying not to hear their whispers about you. 

***

“You guys ready?” Emily asked. 

“Almost,” you said. You were putting your hair into a bun. You decided it was better to keep it out of your face and a bun was the nicest thing you could think of. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You were wearing a black dress that hugged your figure. It was short, cutting off higher than your mid-thigh. It was definitely enticing, that’s for sure. It was exactly what someone would wear to a bar or club. 

You walked out of the room you were in and met everyone else. “Well?” You asked, turning around. 

“Stunning,” JJ said. 

“Spencer’s one lucky guy,” Emily laughed. 

“I’d pick you up in a heartbeat,” Morgan said to you. He smiled and you smiled back. 

“Thanks guys. I just hope it does the job,” you said. 

“It will,” Hotch replied. 

“Uh, hello, lemme see!” Garcia said from the phone. 

“Sorry baby girl,” Derek said as he turned the phone to face you. 

“Oh, you look gorgeous!” Garcia yelled. 

“Thanks Garcia,” you smiled. 

You opened your mouth to say something else but stopped when you saw Spencer. He’d recently cut his hair and you hadn’t seen him in a suit with the new cut until this moment. 

Your insides were on fire. A part of you wished this case happened a few months ago when you didn’t know how you felt about him but then again, you were glad it was happening now. 

“You look…” you started. 

“Thanks,” he laughed. “But look at you,” he said. 

You gave him a small laugh. “You look beautiful,” he said. 

You gave him a small smile before turning back to Garcia. 

“Spencer! You look amazing,” she yelled. 

“Thanks Garcia,” he replied, running his hand through his hair. 

“You guys ready?” Hotch asked. 

You looked at Spencer before turning back to him. 

“Ready,” you said. 

“Ready,” Spencer said. He took your hand in his and you looked down to your intertwined fingers. You smiled to yourself before the reality set in. 

***


	3. "That is privileged information.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys here's the next chapter. this one's a bit long so prepare yourself lol. enjoy :))

“What do you want?” Spencer asked. 

“What?”

“What drink do you want?” He asked again. 

“Oh. A gin and tonic please,” you said. 

“Should we get real drinks?” He asked. 

“Probably. They might check the drinks to see if there’s alcohol in them. We don’t have to drink too many, but we should probably have a couple,” you said. “It’s why I only ordered a gin and tonic.”

“Smart,” he replied. 

Spencer turned to tell the bartender your order and then turned back to you. 

“See anything?” He asked. 

“No,” you mumbled. “Not yet.”

Spencer put his hand on your thigh before you jumped and turned to face him. 

“What are you doing?” You asked. 

“We have to act like a couple,” he said. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, right. Yeah, sorry,” you said. You remembered what Hotch said about reacting to an action and so you put your hand over his. 

Your drinks finally came, and you downed yours faster than you should have. You knew the alcohol would hit you harder now, but you needed to be slightly numb in order to deal with this. 

You saw Morgan by the bathroom, but you quickly diverted your attention in case anyone was watching. 

“Black suits you,” Spencer said. 

You could feel your cheeks turning red. “Thanks. It suits you too,” you said. 

“Red does too,” he laughed, pointing to your cheeks. 

You turned your head away in embarrassment, hitting him on the shoulder lightly. 

“What are you so embarrassed about?” He asked. 

“Nothing,” you said. 

“Really? Because it seems to me like you like me,” he said, lowering his voice. 

“What? No, I don’t!” You said. 

He brought his mouth right next to your ear before whispering. “Prove it.”

He pulled back and you stared at him for a second. Before you knew it, he grabbed your face and pressed your lips together. You were taken aback. You didn’t know what was happening, but you closed your eyes and sunk into it. His hands moved from your cheeks to your neck as he was careful not to mess up your hair. You, however, did no such thing. Your fingers worked their way through his hair as you tugged at different strands. 

He pulled away after a minute and looked at you. 

You were breathless, still recovering from the kiss. It was everything you’d ever wanted, and it felt amazing. It’s like your lips were made for his. 

“Sorry,” he said. 

“What?”

“Sorry for that. Morgan gave me a look, told me to kiss you to make this relationship thing believable,” he said. 

Of course. Undercover. Relationship. Important things you’d seemed to have forgotten in the moment. 

“Oh,” you said. “No, umm, it’s fine. I’m just gonna run to the bathroom,” you said. 

You grabbed your purse and headed for the stalls, glancing at Morgan as you passed him. 

You steadied yourself against a sink, splashing cold water on yourself. You sighed as you realized you’d have to kiss Spencer again for the stupid reaction to an action Hotch had mentioned. His hand on your leg was one thing, but kissing him? That was something else. 

You headed back out and sat at the bar. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

“I’m fine,” you said, ordering another round. 

You drank that drink just as fast as the first, before you looked at Spencer. 

“I’m sorry,” you said. 

“For wha-”

You cut him off with another kiss. Alcohol is called liquid courage for a reason. 

When you pulled away, you looked at him. 

“Don’t be sorry,” he said. 

You laughed a little.

“You’re just doing what we have to,” he laughed. 

Your heart sunk a little. 

“Yeah. Every action has a reaction and all that,” you said. 

Spencer laughed again. You smiled at him. Why couldn’t you act normally? You’d been able to do it before now. What was it about this that made you nervous?

The two of you sat for another couple of minutes before you saw someone heading your way. You tapped Spencer lightly. “Your 9 o’clock,” you said. He turned his head and noticed who you were talking about. 

He nodded his head and took your hand in his. 

“Barkeep!” The man yelled. “Scotch, neat.”

“Good choice,” you said. 

“And what’s your choice?” He asked. 

“That is privileged information,” you said. 

“Does he know?” The man asked, nodding his head toward Spencer. 

“Ask him. I’ll write it down on this paper and we can see if he’s right,” you suggested. 

“Alright. What’s her drink?” The man asked Spencer. 

“Whiskey. Single malt,” Spencer said. 

You unfolded the piece of paper you’d written on to show the man what it said. 

“Very nice. A classy girl,” the man replied. 

“What’s his?” He asked you. 

You looked at him for a second and then spoke. “Scotch. Neat.”

Spencer unfolded the paper he’d written on as well. 

“My brother,” the man said. “What are your names?”

“Spencer.” He stuck out a hand. The man shook it and then turned to you. 

“Y/N.” You stuck out your hand and he shook it too. 

“You guys should meet my friend. I think you’d get along,” the man said. 

“Wait, we don’t know your name yet,” you said. 

“Darin Shaw,” he said with a smile. 

You smiled back at him as he went to get his friend. 

You turned to face Spencer. “How’d you know?”

“I think the question is how did you,” he laughed. 

“I know you,” you replied with a shrug. 

He smiled at you but didn’t have time to answer your question before the man returned with a friend. 

“Brett Garner,” the man said, sticking his hand out. Both you and Spencer acknowledged his introduction and shook his hand. You were surprised how much Spencer was shaking these people’s hands since he usually just waved but you knew it was because he had to for the case. 

You took a deep breath and then took his hand in yours and rubbed small circles over the back with your thumb. He looked down at your hands and then you before turning back to the men in front of you. 

“Darin seems to really like you guys. You should come to my cabin,” Brett said. 

“That sounds great, but don’t you think we should get to know each other first?” You asked. 

“There will be plenty of time for that at the cabin. You guys ready to go?” He asked. 

“Sure. Just give us a minute to grab out things,” Spencer replied. 

The two of you smiled at the men before turning back to the bar to grab your bag. They headed outside as you turned to face Spencer. 

Your breathing quickened a little bit and you looked at him. “You ready?” You asked him. 

“No, but… if I wait until I am, I’ll be waiting forever,” he said. “Thank you, by the way, for that,” he said, looking at your hands still holding each other together. 

“Oh, no, yeah. All part of the job right,” you said with a small chuckle. 

“Right… you ready?” He asked. 

You took the shakiest breath of your life and nodded your head. Spencer looking at you knowing it was a lie. He wanted to say something, do something, anything, but he knew you didn’t have that kind of time. 

Instead, he interlocked your fingers and squeezed your hand a little before you walked out of the bar. You looked at Morgan one last time, giving him the smallest smile, and you purposely brushed against Emily on the club floor. 

Once you were outside, you looked around for the men you were supposed to meet. You saw Hotch across the street and locked eyes with him for a millisecond before you turned to see Darin and Brett walking toward you. 

“So, this cabin?” You asked, smiling. 

***

On the drive there, you and Spencer made sure to pay attention to the path you were taking as much as possible. You tried to notice landmarks and memorize street names, but it was difficult because of the dark. Spencer would remember what he read anyway but that wasn’t much help if you couldn’t read the signs in the first place. 

“So how long have you two been together?” Brett asked as Darin drove. 

“4 months,” Spencer said. 

“Very nice. When’s the anniversary?” He asked. 

“June 18th,” you replied. 

“Ah, June, a beautiful month,” Brett said. “So, what made the two of you click?”

“Oh, umm, well we work together,” you said. 

“Yeah. She’s my best friend,” Spencer said, looking at you. 

“Yeah and he… he, umm, he’s incredible,” you said, looking at Spencer’s eyes. 

“She’s amazing,” Spencer said, looking back at yours. 

Brett turned around in his seat to look at the two of you. “I can feel the tension from here,” he laughed. 

That snapped the two of you out of whatever trance you were in. You laughed and Spencer did too before you felt the car stop. 

“We’re here,” Darin said. 

***

You and Spencer walked around, following Darin and Brett as they showed you the cabin. 

“What’s in that room?” Spencer asked. 

“Only our most trusted brothers and sisters are allowed in there,” Darin said. Spencer just nodded his head. 

When you got to what seemed like the end of your ‘tour’, Darin and Brett turned to face you. 

“As you can see, we are a community here. We believe in equality for all. Your relationship demonstrates the equality we seek in our brothers and sisters. We’ve decided to extend an invitation to the both of you to join our community. By doing so, you’ll be learning our ways and you’ll help the world become more adjusted to our way of life. If society will not be equal, we will make a new society that will,” Brett said. 

You squeezed Spencer’s hand until you were sure he couldn’t feel it anymore. Your heartbeat intensified as you looked at the men in front of you. 

“So? Will you join us?” Darin asked. 

You answered without hesitation. “Absolutely.”

“Fantastic,” Darin said. He reached out to give you a hug, and for a second you could’ve sworn you felt his hand lower than you would’ve liked it. Brett gave Spencer a hug and then the two switched. Even when Brett hugged you, something felt off, but you decided to let it go. 

“We hug here to help create a level of intimacy with the community,” Brett explained. “Now you two will have your own room, one bed, so that you also grow your own intimacy.”

You felt your stomach turn inside of you. “Sounds great,” you said weakly. Spencer looked at you for a second but quickly pulled you along as he followed Brett down a corridor. 

“Here you are. Welcome,” Darin said from behind you. 

“Thank you both,” you said, tentatively reaching out to hug them both. You couldn’t believe you were doing it, but it seemed like the right thing to do for them to trust you. Again, you felt both of them reach even lower than before and you sharply inhaled. It was small and quiet, but it was there. 

Spencer walked into the room and you followed, the two of you shutting the door behind you. 

“Well, at least we’re here,” he said. 

You didn’t say anything to him. You couldn’t get the feeling of Brett and Darin off of your body. You tried to shake it away, but their imprints remained mentally burned into your flesh. 

“Are you okay?” Spencer asked. 

“Something’s wrong,” you whispered. 

“What do you mean?”

“Here. Something’s wrong here. All that talk about equality and then their actions. It doesn’t make sense,” you said. 

“What actions?”

You didn’t really want to talk to Spencer about it. If anyone had done this before, he’s the first person you would’ve told but now that your heart skipped a beat every time you saw him, you weren’t sure if you wanted to talk to him about it. Nevertheless, you were on a case, and on a case, everything was important. 

“When they hugged me,” you said. 

“What about it?”

“Their hands, they… they went… lower,” you said in a small voice. 

“Lower?” Spencer questioned. He almost looked angry. 

“They almost grabbed my butt,” you whispered. 

Spencer looked like he was going to blow up any second. 

“It doesn’t make sense,” you said. You were staring at the ground, not having looked Spencer in the eye since you’d entered the room. 

You sat on the bed and he joined you after a second. 

“Are you gonna talk to me?” He asked after a moment. 

“What do you mean? About what?”

“About us.”

“Us?” You asked. 

“You. Me. Us. What’s going on? What changed?”

You didn’t say anything, you just took a deep breath and prayed a meteor would hit you right now. 

“Come on. You don’t think I noticed? You went from completely comfortable around me to always on edge. What’s going on?” He asked, putting his hand on your thigh. 

You inhaled sharply again before turning to face him. “I love you,” you whispered. 

“I love you too. Talk to me,” he said. 

“No, Spence, I mean-”

You were cut off by a knocking at the door. You turned back to him and then rushed to open it. 

“Hi! Here’s your dinner!” A little girl smiled at you before walking away. 

You picked up the tray in front of you and brought it inside. 

“Dinner,” you said. 

“Dinner?” Spencer asked. 

You shrugged your shoulders and put the tray on the small table by the door before walking back over to the bed. 

“You gonna finish your sentence?” He asked after a while. 

You panicked. “I meant… the case. We should say we love each other more often,” you said. You wanted nothing more than to hit yourself. 

“Oh, yeah,” he replied, looking down. “So, which side of the bed do you want?” He asked. 

“Whichever one you don’t,” you replied. 

“You like to sleep on the right side,” he mumbled, causing you to turn around. 

“Right?” He questioned. 

You nodded your head slowly as he set up his things on the left side of the bed. 

“I’m gonna shower and get out of this thing,” you said. 

“Okay. It’s a good look though,” he smiled. 

You gave him a small smile in return before heading to the bathroom. 

You emerged wearing a set of matching pajamas you’d found waiting in the bathroom for you. 

You climbed into the bed, sitting up alone with your thoughts as Spencer showered. 

When he came out, he was wearing the same clothes as you, and he too climbed into the bed. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been weird,” you said. 

“It’s okay. I just want you to be okay.”

“I’m okay,” you said. 

“You sure?”

“Of course I am. I’m with you,” you replied. Spencer smiled at you and took your hand in his as the two of you sat up in the bed you’d been provided. 

“We should be careful of camera. We’re gonna have to act like a couple all the time,” you said. 

“Shouldn’t be that hard. It’s like being with your best friend, right?” He winked at you. 

“Right,” you said with a smile. The two of you laid in the bed, quietly strategizing, until you’d decided you should sleep. You tried to stay as far away from Spencer as possible but every once in a while, he’d turn over and his hand would graze your arm. You couldn’t sleep that night, not with him right next to you. You could feel the heat radiating off of his body as you closed your eyes and the tears started to fall. 

***

You heard Spencer groan as he looked at the small clock in the room. You didn’t move a muscle. You just closed your eyes and stayed facing away from him. 

He put his hand on your shoulder and rubbed his thumb up and down before sinking back into the mattress. You still didn’t move, not until you were sure he was asleep again. 

You slowly turned to face him, and his eyes shot open. You jumped, your hand now over your chest. 

“Oh my gosh! Spencer!” You yelled. 

“You’re not the only one who can pretend to be asleep. I just do a better job,” he teased. 

You hit him on the arm before sitting up. 

“What gave me away?” You asked. 

“I know you,” he said, repeating what you had told him at the bar. 

You rolled your eyes at him before smiling.

“So, why didn’t you sleep?” He asked. 

“Just thinking,” you said. 

“Thinking?”

“Yeah, about the case. About the team. About you,” you said quietly. 

“What about me?”

You looked at him for a second before taking a deep breath. 

“Look, Spence… these undercover assignments… we know how they go more often than not. I’m just… I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you,” you said. 

“You’re not going to lose me, I promise. If something goes south, you’re not gonna lose me.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t know. But I have the same fear and if I tell myself that there’s even the smallest chance, I’ll lose you… I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” he whispered. 

You stared at his eyes. His gorgeous brown eyes stared back at you. 

You laid down on the bed again, Spencer following suit. After a second, you inched closer to him and he opened his arm for you to place your head on his chest. 

Neither of you said anything, but you could feel his heartbeat, his chest rising and falling, and you felt better. 

About an hour later, you decided you should probably shower. “I’m gonna hop in the shower,” you said. 

“Okay,” Spencer replied. You got up and walked to the bathroom. You brushed your teeth and hopped in the shower. The water was lukewarm, and the soap was simple. 

When you were done, you stepped out and grabbed the clothes you saw. If you weren’t so tired, you probably would’ve wondered where they came from. 

Once you were changed, Spencer showered. When he came out, the two of you sat on the little couch by the door to talk about what to do next. 

“What do you think?” You asked. 

“I don’t know. They didn’t give us a lot of information,” he said. 

“Yeah,” you replied. 

You heard a knock on the door and went to open it. 

“Breakfast is in ten minutes in the mess hall.” It was the same little girl from last night. You nodded at her and then turned to look at the tray of dinner you’d placed on the table the night before. 

You were shocked when you didn’t see it. “Spence?” You asked. 

“Hmm?” He said, flipping through some papers. At least, you thought he was flipping through them. In all honesty, he was probably reading and memorizing each one. 

“Did you eat the food from last night?

“No.”

“Did you touch it? Move it? Anything?”

He could hear the concern growing in your voice. 

“No. Why?” 

“Because it’s gone,” you whispered. 

He finally turned to look at the table it had been on. His eyes flicked from the empty table to you. 

“What is happening?” You asked. 

“I don’t know,” he said. 

The two of you grew increasingly terrified as you realized this organization had a lot more to it than what met the eye. 

“What’d they say?” He asked. 

“Breakfast in 10 minutes at the mess hall,” you relayed. “I don’t even remember where that is.”

“I do.”

“Of course you do 187.”

Spencer smiled at the nickname you called him. You could tell he was glad you were feeling more like yourself, and honestly you were too, especially given the recent developments. 

“Come on,” he said. He took your hand in his and pulled you out the door. 

***

The two of you had breakfast with everyone and then were delegated to jobs. Everyone had similar jobs, unsurprisingly, after all, the whole point was equality. You spoke to some women, some men too, and Spencer did the same. At the end of the day, after dinner, you both headed to your room and compared what you had learned. 

“Anything interesting?” Spencer asked. 

“The women seemed scared of something. It’s strange, and not obvious at all. Honestly, if I wasn’t a profiler, I doubt I would’ve picked up on it. And the men seem oddly…”

“Confident,” Spencer finished. 

“Yeah,” you said. “It’s weird.”

Spencer opened his mouth to say something but then abruptly closed it. 

“What?” You asked, noticing. 

“Nothing,” he said. 

“Spencer,” you said, walking toward him. “What is it?”

“Did anyone try to… you know…”

Your expression grew cold. You backed away from him a little. 

“Some of them did, yeah. Brett and Darin…” you started. 

“They did something his time, didn’t they?” Spencer asked. He didn’t want to know the answer. You could hear his voice crack as he asked. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you whispered. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. He took a few steps toward you and you backed up even more. 

“It’s fine,” you said. “Umm, I’m gonna hop in the shower again, if that’s okay,” you said. It sounded like a question, but you were halfway to the bathroom before Spencer could respond. 

***

Again, once you were done showering, you changed into pajamas and sat on the couch. 

“Hey,” Spencer said, joining you from the bed. He sat as far as possible from you. 

“Hey,” you said. “I’m sorry, I just-”

“No. No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up,” he said. 

“No, it’s okay. We have to talk about it, Spencer.”

“We can talk about it when you’re ready,” he replied. 

“No, we can’t.”

He gave you a confused look for a moment, his brows furrowed. 

“It’s not just me,” you said. 

“What?” He asked. 

“It’s not just me. I realized it in the shower. All the women… they flinch at their partner’s touch. The hugs, they’re uncomfortable for all of them,” you said. 

“You know, I noticed that too. The men hug certain women differently. It’s strange, it’s like they’re hugging them based on…” Spencer trailed off. 

He ran to the bathroom and immediately started tearing it apart. “Spence?” You called. You followed him, standing by the door as he frantically searched for whatever it was he needed to find. 

“What are you looking for?” You asked. 

“The entrance,” he said. 

“The what?”

“The entrance. That’s how the clothes change, it’s how the food disappeared,” he said. 

“Spencer, I was awake the whole night, I didn’t see or hear anyone come in,” you said. 

“Because you were drugged,” he said. 

“I’m sorry, what?” You asked, raising your eyebrows and blinking. 

“I noticed it this morning, but I just thought it was because you were tired. Your eyes were red, your breathing was shallow, that’s all consistent with being drugged,” he replied. 

“It’s also consistent with being tired,” you replied. 

“You blacked out right?”

“What?”

“You blacked out. You didn’t sleep but you blacked out. You didn’t want to tell me about it right?”

You licked your lips before pursing them and looking at him. 

“That’s called being drugged,” he said. 

He continued tearing the bathroom apart before you finally spoke. 

“Spencer,” you said. “Look at me.” You grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to stand up. You looked worriedly at him, you eyes flicking between his, your eyebrows furrowed. 

You did the only thing you could think of. You cupped his face and brought your lips together. You wrapped your arms around his neck as his slid up your back. You didn’t want to pull away but you knew you had to. 

“Cameras,” you breathed. 

Spencer exhaled and nodded slightly. “We have to be careful” you whispered. 

“I know. I know, I’m sorry,” he said. 

“Look while you’re in the shower. I’m gonna go to bed and wait okay?”

Spencer nodded his head and you did what you said you would. 

***

When Spencer came out of the bathroom, he joined you on the bed. You knew you’d have to get close to him if you wanted to talk about what was going on. 

As if he was thinking the same thing, Spencer moved closer to you, putting his arm around your shoulders. You snuggled in the crook of his arm, playing with the buttons on his pajamas. 

“Did you find it?” You asked. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. 

“Where?”

He hesitated. “It’s in a cabinet. There’s a camera in the shower,” he whispered. 

“So they film their members and then what?” You asked. 

“I don’t know. I don’t think they’re a terrorist group.”

“Then what are they? I mean, they pull in young men and women, and then… violate the women while the men…”

Spencer held you a little closer, feeling your heartbeat quicken at the discussion. 

“They sell the women,” he whispered, coming to a realization you hoped wasn’t true. 

You let out a shaky breath. You didn’t say anything. You knew what was going on and so did Spencer. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

You sat up and turned to look at him. “This isn’t what I signed up for Spence,” you said, your voice breaking. “I’m sorry. It’s just not. I didn’t sign up to be drugged or filmed or…”

You couldn’t even finish your sentence before the tears started falling. 

He pulled you into his chest as his arms wrapped around you tightly. You cried quietly, trying to be strong but failing. “Shh, I know. I know,” Spencer whispered as he stroked your hair. “It’s not what either of us signed up for,” he said. “No one signs up for this.”

“What are we gonna do?” You whispered once your tears had run out. 

“We figure out who they’re selling the women to,” he said. 

You turned to face him again. “Spencer… I know who they’re selling the women to.”

“Who?” He asked, searching your eyes for the answer as if it was hidden there. 

“The men,” you whispered. 

Spencer exhaled and shook his head slightly as you bit your lip. 

“Now what?” You asked. 

“I don’t know,” Spencer replied. 

“We have to do something. This isn’t a terrorist group,” you said. 

“It’s an internalized sex trafficking ring,” Spencer said. 

***


	4. “You’re gonna have to try harder than that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys i'm not gonna lie to you this fic really got away from me. i'm not even sure what i'm writing anymore but i hope it's still okay at least. anyway it's almost over so here's the next part. hope you enjoy, love you all.

The next morning, you woke up feeling oddly refreshed. You were confused until you turned to see your head on Spencer’s chest before realizing why you’d slept so well. That last about four seconds because that’s when you noticed the two men standing at your door. 

“What is happening?” You asked. Spencer jolted awake and rubbed his eyes. 

“Darin? Brett?” He called. 

“Which one of you did it? Which one of you is it?” Darin hissed. 

“What are you talking about?” You asked. 

“Who tore apart the bathroom?” Brett yelled. 

“Cut the crap. Which one of you is the FBI agent?” Darin asked. 

“The what?” Spencer questioned. 

Darin pulled out a gun and trained it on Spencer as you watched in horror. Spencer squeezed your hand under the covers as it to tell you not to do anything. 

“Oh my god,” you whimpered. You squeezed Spencer’s hand back. You blinked away the tears and bit your lip, your breathing picking up its pace. 

Darin clicked the gun, keeping it trained on Spencer. “Which one of you is it?” He asked. 

You stayed silent. Spencer didn’t speak either. He just held your hand tighter and tighter as you moved closer to him. 

“I’m not gonna ask again.”

He moved the gun, so it was pressing into Spencer’s forehead and you closed your eyes. They didn’t open until you uttered a single word. “Me.”

Brett grabbed you by your hair and pulled you out of the bed. You winced in pain as he threw you against the wall. There was a thud as your body hit the ground. You groaned as you struggled to stand. 

“You’re gonna have to try harder than that,” you spat. 

Brett grabbed your throat, full force, no mercy. He shoved you against the wall as you tried to fight him. You moved your leg in between his from behind and knocked him out from underneath. 

Brett instantly stood up and pulled a second gun out from behind his back. You stopped moving once it was pointed at you. Your breathing was heavy, and your eyes shifted to Spencer’s as your eyes apologized. 

Brett approached you, getting closer and closer, before hitting you in the head with the butt of his gun, and then throwing you against the wall for good measure. 

All you saw were spots. You blinked to try to get them away, groaning as you struggled to get off your knees. Eventually, your arms gave out and you collapsed to the floor, seeing footsteps approach you before your eyelids shut. 

***

You felt metal against your face as you woke in a tiny room. You remembered the room from your tour, it’s the one Spencer had asked about when you’d first arrived. It was small, mostly metal, the bare minimum of sorts. There were cameras everywhere and you knew what happened in that room. 

“So, FBI huh?” Darin said. “And to think I liked you,” he smirked. 

“Go to hell,” you spat. 

“What about your boyfriend there. Does he know?” He asked. 

“No,” you mumbled. 

“What’d they send you in for?” He asked. 

“Oh right. I tell you that. You kill me. Yeah, it’s not gonna be that easy,” you said. 

“Aright alright I get it. You’re feisty. I like that,” Darin said. He brought his face impossibly close to yours now. “But everyone breaks eventually,” he whispered. You maneuvered yourself to hit his head with yours as hard as you could. 

You both groaned in pain as Brett rushed in to drag Darin out. 

Brett returned moments later and sat where Darin had been sitting before. 

“Where was the entrance?” Brett asked. 

“The cabinet,” you told him. 

“And the camera?”

“The shower head.”

“So, it was you who ransacked the bathroom,” Brett said. 

“Of course it was,” you replied. 

“Was it worth it?” He asked. 

“To see you fail? Absolutely,” you replied coldly. 

“No. To see him die,” Brett whispered. 

Your expression changed, only slightly, something even a profiler would have difficulty picking up on. 

You didn’t say anything. Instead, you just played it out. You waited for them to come back, to interrogate you some more, to feel whatever it is they wanted to feel. 

***

It wasn’t until the next day when they gathered everyone, that you saw Spencer again. 

“Brothers. Sisters. We have a traitor among us. It is time to decide her fate,” Darin said. 

Brett dragged you out of the room and threw you to the floor before holding you down for everyone to see. 

You saw Spencer across the room. He looked unharmed and you were thankful to say the least. All you wanted to do was run up and hug him but Brett’s grip was impossibly strong and after not eating or drinking for a day, you were in no shape to take him on. 

You saw Spencer’s eyes meet yours and you could see the pain in them. You wanted to make it stop. 

“Shall she be put to death?” Darin asked. 

Every hand in the room except one was raised. Your fate was sealed unbearably easily. You saw Spencer’s eyes widen in horror as your heartbeat increased. 

Everyone filed out of the room once they were dismissed, and you heard Brett speak to Darin. They were whispering but you were able to make out part of the conversation before piecing the rest together in your mind. 

They were going to lock you up and then blow up the whole cabin and restart their society somewhere else. 

Your eyes widened in horror as you thought about what you could do. Your mind settled on nothing, and you hung your head as you were taken back to the small metal room. 

You looked around the room for a little while, studying it, trying to find something to escape with. It wasn’t until you remembered you had a bobby pin from the first day in your hair. They hadn’t bound your hands together; that was a mistake. You quietly tried to pick the lock once you were sure everyone was asleep. 

When you heard the lock click you felt the happiest you had in a long time. You quietly exited the room and tries to make your way back to the room Spencer was in. 

It took a few tries and guesses to figure out where you were going but eventually you reached what you hoped was the right door. 

You lightly knocked on the door, hoping it was loud enough for him to hear, but quiet enough so you wouldn’t get caught. 

You’d almost given up hope when you heard the door open. Immediately, you felt a wave of relief. Spencer stood shocked for a moment before pulling you into the door and wrapping his arms around you. 

“Oh god, I thought I lost you,” he said as he held your tightly. 

You just sniffled, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as you tried not to cry. 

You were shaking like crazy; you hadn’t even noticed. “What’s going on? What are you doing here? Are you okay?” Spencer finally asked, hurriedly. 

“Spence, I don’t have a lot of time. You have to get everyone out. They’re going to blow up the cabin and set up their ring somewhere else. You have to get them out,” you said. 

“What about you?”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll figure it out. Just, please, get everyone and yourself, out of here,” you said. 

“I can’t leave you,” he said. 

“I’ll be fine. Just promise me you’ll get yourself out,” you replied. 

He didn’t say anything. “Spencer,” you whispered. “Please.”

He looked at you for a second. “Promise.”

You gave him a small smile and turned to leave the room when you felt his arm grabbing you. 

“Please don’t leave me,” he whispered. 

You looked in his eyes, and not knowing what else to do, you pulled him into another hug. “I love you,” you breathed. He snuggled into the crook of your neck, taking in your scent one last time before you pulled away and exited the room. 

You closed the door behind you as quietly as you could, wishing you had kissed him one last time. You shook it off and headed back to your small room where two people were waiting for you. 

“Midnight walk?” Darin asked. 

You froze in fear. 

“You know what happens to bad girls? We punish them,” Brett said. 

You swallowed thickly as they walked toward you. 

***

By your guess, it had been a couple of hours. You were in pain, emotional, mental, physical. Everything hurt everywhere. Darin had taken his turn with you. Then Brett. You were bruised and sore from being tied up and hit like a punching bag. You felt disgusting as you tried to block out the memories that had burned themselves into your brain. 

You sat in a small corner of the room, hugging your knees and rocking back and forth slightly. They were close to breaking you, that was for sure. You didn’t know how much longer you could hold out. 

An hour later, you heard a door slam to the ground. You could’ve sworn you heard someone yell ‘FBI’, but you weren’t sure, so you didn’t move. Instead, you tried to press your ear to the wall to hear what was happening. 

When you were sure it was the FBI you started banging on the door for help. You couldn’t pick the lock again as all your pins, clothes, and everything else had been confiscated. You screamed in hopes that someone would hear you. 

You heard the lock click and you braced yourself for who was on the other side of that door. 

“Morgan,” you cried. He ran toward you and immediately removed your restraints. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close as you cried into his shoulder. 

“We gotta go okay?” He said. You nodded your head and started running before you stopped. 

“Where’s Spencer?” You asked. 

“He’s outside. Come on, we gotta go. This place is gonna blow in seconds,” he said. He grabbed your hand and sprinted down the hallway as fast as possible. If he wasn’t the one leading, you both probably would’ve died. 

You were almost at the door when you heard a ‘boom’ sending you and Derek flying the last couple of feet. 

You groaned as you lifted your head and tried to see your surroundings. Everything was dark and covered in soot. Smoke was in the air and people were cowering in fear. You had cuts and bruises all over you, your arms and parts of your torso bleeding. 

You turned to check for people around you. “Derek?” You called while coughing. 

“Yeah, I’m here,” he groaned. You got up and ran to his side. 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just beat up,” he replied. You helped him stand as you searched the crowd for the person you really wanted to see. 

Your heart began to sink as you searched, not finding what you wanted to. 

Then, your eyes caught something, the smallest flop of hair. 

“Spencer,” you whispered. As if his eyes caught yours at the same time, he started moving towards you. You stumbled your way to him before the two of you crashed together, your arms wrapped around his and holding him as tight as humanly possible. 

Your breathing was heavy and shaky as you started to involuntarily cry into his shoulder. Spencer’s arms were wrapped around your back, supporting you and helping to keep you from collapsing. The two of you swayed back and forth for a couple of seconds, the force of your collision causing you to lose your footing. You stayed like that for a minute as his hands moved to cradle your head and stroke your hair, 

Spencer pulled away for a second and cupped your face. He wiped away your tears and looked at your eyes. You lip quivered as you tried to hold in more tears that were threatening to spill. 

Before you could register what you were feeling, Spencer smashed his lips onto yours, his hands moving to grip your hair. You sunk in, letting your emotions take over. You moved your hands to his shoulders and clenched them for support. It was soft, it was passionate, it was everything. 

Neither of you wanted to pull away, but eventually you did to catch your breath. Your foreheads, however, were still pressed together. 

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” Spencer whispered. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered back. Another tear fell down your cheek as Spencer pulled you in for another kiss. 

You pulled away this time, pulling him into another hug before turning around to check on Morgan. 

“Is everyone else okay?” You asked. 

“Don’t worry about them, they’re fine. This,” he said, pointing between the two of you, “has been a long time coming.”

You hit him on the arm lightly. Spencer gave him a small chuckle The three of you walked over to the rest of your team where hugs were exchanged before everyone was checked out by the paramedics. 

You were handed some sweats by one of the doctors on the ambulance, seeing as your clothes weren’t with you anymore. 

You quickly put them on and then walked over to everyone else who had finished being checked. 

“You okay?” Hotch asked. 

You nodded your head slightly and gave everyone a small smile. 

“I’m gonna talk to the police chief and then meet you guys at the airstrip. Wheels up in 2 hours,” Hotch said. 

“You guys wanna grab some food?” Emily asked. 

Everyone nodded their head in consensus before you spoke. 

“I actually think I’m just gonna get to the jet and take a nap or something,” you said. 

“Okay,” Emily said as she smiled at you. 

You waved goodbye to everyone before Morgan ran up to you. “Hey,” he said. 

“Hey, what’s up?” You asked. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? The way I found you…”

“I’m fine Morgan, honestly. It’s not as bad as it seems,” you said. 

“Okay,” he said. “If you need anything…”

“I know. Thanks,” you said. You smiled at him before he turned and headed back to the group. You watched as they all tried to laugh, and it put a smile on your face. 

***


	5. “What’s the probability you pay attention to me now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall last chapter. don't really know how i feel about it but hopefully you guys like it. enjoy the end of the fic. love you all.

You headed to the airstrip alone and boarded the jet with ease. You set yourself up at the back of the plane and looked out the window. You tried to close your eyes, but you were afraid of what you might see. 

“Hey,” a voice said. You turned to see Spencer sitting next to you. 

“Hi,” you said. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

“Yeah. You?”

“Yeah.”

You looked at him for a second before turning back to the window. You felt his hand on your thigh and you turned to face him again, flinching at the contact. 

“Sorry,” he said, removing his hand. 

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

“Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it and that’s completely valid. But… if you ever do… I’m here,” he said.

“I know, Spence. Thank you,” you said. 

He smiled at you and you gave him a tight-lipped smile back. 

“Are we gonna talk about it?” He asked. 

“Oh, you mean when you kissed me?” You said, jokingly. 

“Yeah,” he said. 

“I was joking, Spencer,” you said, turning to face him. 

“I wasn’t,” he whispered. 

You looked at him in disbelief. “Okay… what do you wanna talk about then?” You asked. 

“Did you mean what you said?”

“What do you mean?”

“When you said you loved me,” Spencer said. “Did you mean it?”

You inhaled sharply and look at him. “Spencer…”

“Because when I kissed you, I didn’t do it for kicks, or because we were undercover… I did it because I love you and I just… I didn’t realize it until it was almost too late,” he said. 

You looked in his eyes and bit your lip. “Of course I meant it,” you whispered. 

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, Spence, seriously. I realized it a few months ago. That’s why I was so weird around you,” you said. 

He looked at you for a minute, inching closer until you heard a creak. 

“Oh, good, you’re both here,” Hotch said, stepping onto the jet. “The rest of the team will be here shortly.”

You sniffled and cleared your throat as you smiled at Hotch. “Sound great,” you said. He looked between you and Spencer before turning in the opposite direction. 

You turned to face Spencer again and smiled at him. “You should get some sleep,” you said. 

“I could say the same for you.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” you said. 

Spencer tentatively reached his hand out and placed it on your shoulder. 

You smiled at him before turning back to the window, closing your eyes in an attempt to sleep. 

***

It didn’t work. You didn’t sleep a wink. Every time you closed your eyes you saw the faces of your torturers. Luckily, you managed to keep your eyes closed long enough for Spence to think you were asleep. Once he thought you were asleep, he fell into his own slumber. 

You opened your eyes and checked to see that he was still out. You slowly got up and made your way to the bathroom. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror and splashed some cold water on your face. When you emerged, Emily was waiting for you. 

“Emily,” you said. 

“Hey, you okay?” She asked. 

“Yeah. I’m fine,” you said. 

She looked at you and then pulled you to the couch. 

“Listen, I can’t imagine what you went through. But you should talk to someone about it, whenever you’re ready. It doesn’t have to be me, but if you’re going to start something with him,” she said, nodding her head toward Spencer, “you have to talk to him.”

You sighed to yourself. “I just don’t want him to worry,” you said. 

“I know. But he was your best friend before this, he was gonna worry anyway,” she said. 

“Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

“He loves you, you know,” she said. You laughed a little. “I’m serious. He’s been in love with you for as long as I can remember. He’s not gonna run away.”

You were shocked that she was able to detect your fear. 

She patted your knee before getting up. You turned to look at Spencer sleeping. He looked so peaceful. No sense in disturbing him, right?

***

Once everyone got back to headquarters, you filed into the bullpen. 

“Night everyone,” Morgan said, waving. 

“Good night,” JJ smiled, leaving behind him. 

You smiled as everyone went home for the night. 

“Not going home?” Spencer asked from behind you. 

“Oh, no. Just wanna get some work done,” you said. 

“Y/N…”

“You should go though. Get home, get some sleep. It’s been a long couple of days,” you said, smiling. 

Your smile didn’t convince Spencer at all. He saw the tears welling behind the façade you put up. 

“I’m fine,” you whispered. 

“You’re not. Talk to me, please,” he said. 

“I’m fine, Spencer, please just leave me alone,” you said. 

He didn’t want to. He knew you shouldn’t be alone, but he didn’t want to overstep. You watched him walk away with a pained expression on his face as you sighed to yourself before opening a file. 

***

You’d finally returned back to your apartment by 2:00am. You were barely getting ready to go to bed when you heard a soft knock on your door. 

“Spencer?” You asked as you opened the dor. 

He waked in with a sense of purpose as you closed the door behind him. 

“What are you doing here?”

“You shouldn’t be alone,” he said. Your breathing grew heavy as you stared at the ground. You didn’t say anything to him, you just picked at your fingernails. 

“Y/N… I told you I love you. More than anything in this world. And I don’t want you to be alone,” he said. 

Your eyes finally met his as you lifted your head. 

“Spencer.” You were barely able to get his name out before you started to break down. 

He instantly ran to you, catching you in his arms as you sobbed. 

“I know,” he whispered. He held you on the floor as you cried. He didn’t even think about moving until after you’d stopped. 

“Thank you,” you whispered, looking up at him. 

He didn’t say anything. He just gripped you tighter, held you closer, and kissed the top of your head. You rested your head on his shoulder until morning, his arm still wrapped around you. 

***

Your eyes fluttered open as the sunlight from the window hit you in the face. You inhaled and sat up, forgetting where you were for a second. 

You turned to see Spencer next to you as he started to stir. 

“Morning,” he said. 

“Morning.”

“How you feelin’? You okay?” He asked.

“I’m better,” you said. “Much better.”

He smiled at you. You looked at his messy curls and smiled to yourself. 

“I’m sorry for last night,” you said. 

“Don’t be silly. I’m happy to do that any time,” he said. 

You smiled. “Do you, umm, do you really mean it? I know you’ve said it like three times already but I just… I don’t want you to just say it because you think I need you to,” you said. 

He exhaled and took your hands in his. “I promise you, when I said it, I meant it. I will always mean it,” he said. 

“Are you sure?” You whispered. “I mean I was… different, before, but now I just feel… broken.”

“Hey,” he whispered, cupping your face. “I love you. All of you. Whatever happens, we’ll deal with together. You’re not broken… you never were. But if you started to crack… we’ll deal with it together.”

“I love you,” you whispered. You leaned in and pressed the two of your lips together for a short kiss. His lips were like the softest marshmallows, adjusting perfectly to fit yours. 

You pulled away and smiled at him, and he gave you the biggest smile back. 

***

A couple of months later, you and Spencer had finally moved in together. You were doing well and getting better every day. 

This particular night, you were sitting in your bed, reading a book. 

“I love watching you read,” Spencer said, walking over to you. 

“Hmm?” You mumbled. “What?”

Spencer chuckled. “Nothing.”

“Tell me,” you said in a whiny voice. 

He laughed again. “I said I love watching you read.”

“Oh,” you laughed. “It can’t be as fascinating as watching you,” you said. 

“Meaning?”

“Meaning watching you read should be America’s favorite pastime,” you laughed. “Your eyes move so fast; it doesn’t even give me a chance to look at them.”

“You want to see my eyes?”

“Of course I do. They’re gorgeous. I could get lost in them for hours.”

“Can you see them now?” Spencer whispered, bringing his face closer to yours. 

“Hmm, still a little blurry,” you said, inching even closer. 

“How about now?”

“Bingo,” you whispered as you kissed him. 

When the two of you pulled away, he started to laugh. 

“What?” You asked. 

“How can you see my eyes when you close yours?” 

“Oh, shut up,” you laughed. 

“What are you reading anyway?” He asked. 

“This book about the statistical analysis and probability of casinos,” you said. 

“I have literally never loved you more,” Spencer said. 

You let out a small laugh as he climbed into the bed with you. 

“What’s the probability you pay attention to me now?” He asked. 

“About the same as us getting a case this weekend,” you said, laughing as you put the book down. 

You sunk into the mattress, lying down to his eye level as you brushed a curl out of his face. You ran the back of your finger across his cheek as you brought your hand down. 

“Are you scared?” He asked. 

“Scared of what?”

“Sleeping,” he whispered. 

You inhaled a shaky breath. “I’m scared to close my eyes,” you replied. 

Spencer kissed your forehead and intertwined your fingers under the covers. “It’s not real,” he whispered. 

“But it used to be,” you said. You placed your head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around you. He played with your hair a little bit as you tried to drift off to sleep. 

You’d actually gotten a decent amount before the dreams started again. You remembered the metal room from before. You remembered the feeling of losing your clothes, being touched and tortured. For only a day or so, you’d gone through a lot of damage. 

You woke up and could feel the sweat on your body. You checked the clock only to find it was still the middle of the night. You looked up to see Spencer still sleeping. 

You quietly climbed out of the bed and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water in your face and freshen up a bit. You headed back to the bed afterwards where Spencer was no longer asleep. 

“How long?” He asked. 

“Made it about 2 hours this time,” you replied, climbing back into the bed. 

“That’s good. That’s progress.”

“Yeah. I guess it is.”

“Same dream?” He asked. 

“Same dream,” you whispered. “At least this time I woke up before I started screaming.”

“I told you. Progress.”

He gave you a small smile. “Wanna talk about it?”

“No. That’s okay,” you said. 

“I’m kind of awake anyway,” he reasoned. 

“Go to sleep 187. We can talk about it in the morning,” you said. 

“Technically it’s already morning,” he said. 

“Will you go to sleep, you dork,” you laughed. 

“There’s that smile,” he said. 

You turned your face away in embarrassment before Spencer kissed your head. 

He pulled you closer to him and you turned so your back was against his chest. His arm was wrapped around your torso and your legs had started to naturally intertwine. You put your hand on top of his and held him close as he held you a little tighter. 

You could feel his breathing on your neck, as you used it to steady your heart rate. Before long, you were asleep again, your dreams remaining undisturbed by intrusive thoughts. 

***


End file.
